The Ever-Elusive Balance: Myth or Reality?
The short answer, if you want the article summarized quickly, is: yes. It is. But it takes quite a bit of effort and might look different than how you imagine it.
We're all chasing it, aren't we? That perfect equilibrium between work demands, project deadlines, personal life, and not losing your mind. The lines blur so easily. For many of us, our home is our office, our personal devices buzz with work communications, and "time off" feels like a foreign concept.
It's a relentless tug-of-war, and honestly, the idea of "work-life balance" often feels less like a goal and more like a repugnant joke.
But what if it's not? What if the struggle isn't proof that it's impossible, but rather a sign we're looking at it the wrong way? When we talk about balance here, we're not picturing a rigid perfect split where you're zen and at peace in every moment of every day. That is not feasible.
Instead, think about a personal rhythm, a sustainable way to blend your ambitious career with a fulfilling life, minimizing stress and maximizing your energy for everything you care about.
This isn't about whether success is only for the miserable, as we've explored before. This is about confronting the daily grind and asking: can we truly build a life where our work fuels us, rather than consumes us? Well, let's dive into the science, the psychology, and some of my own experiences to find out.
The Science Behind the Balance War
Research is increasingly shedding light on why balance feels so hard:
- The Job Demands-Resources (JD-R) Model: This framework in occupational psychology suggests that job strain occurs when job demands (e.g., workload, emotional labor) outweigh job resources (e.g., autonomy, social support, growth opportunities).
- Boundary Theory & Flexibility: Studies confirm that the ability to set and maintain boundaries between work and non-work life is crucial for well-being. Flexible work can be beneficial if individuals effectively segment (keep work and life separate) or integrate (blend them intentionally) their roles, rather than letting work spill over unchecked. The issue here, of course, is that it's extremely difficult to actually keep these items in check. Further, it can be nearly impossible to see the benefits of boundaries when all you can think about is the next couple of days. This is what Onward's boundary feature aims to change by providing scientific and mathematical proof that boundary setting is the right choice for you and your career (as well as much-needed reminders to turn off your laptop at 6 PM every day).
- The Toll of "Always On": Research consistently shows that a constant state of connectivity and perceived obligation to respond quickly leads to higher levels of stress, burnout, and reduced psychological detachment from work, which is vital for recovery. One massive lesson I've learned the hard way: be very careful with instant messaging and notifications. They can shatter your boundaries with their immediacy.
- Recovery is Not Just Rest: Psychologists emphasize that true recovery from work stress involves more than just physical rest. It requires activities that foster psychological detachment (mentally disengaging from work), relaxation, mastery (learning new skills outside of work), and a sense of control during leisure time. There's something both freeing and limiting about managing your own time and energy.
The Psychology of Imbalance
Beyond the research, our own minds often play a trick on us when it comes to balance:
- The Achievement Trap: Many of us are wired for achievement. Psychology teaches us that the pursuit of goals can be deeply satisfying, releasing dopamine. For ambitious people, the feeling of being productive, of constantly achieving, can become addictive, overriding the need for rest. This can lead to a self-perpetuating cycle of overwork. Suggested reading around the "optimal experience"
- Self-Control Depletion: Our capacity for self-control (like resisting the urge to check email at midnight) is a finite resource. When we constantly use it for work demands, we have less left for personal boundaries or healthy habits. This makes it harder to "choose" balance even when we know we should. The linked book by Roy Baumeister explores the link between willpower and success/well-being. He states that while intelligence is difficult to enhance, willpower is a muscle that we can improve through time and willpower is a massive lever we can use to improve our lives.
- The Planning Fallacy's Evil Twin: We often overestimate what we can do in our work hours and underestimate what we need to do in our personal lives. This means we're constantly over-scheduling our work, leading to constant encroachment on personal time. This is something I struggle with in a huge way and many ambitious people do as well. I've tried to exercise a habit of tripling how long I estimate something will take. If I think it'll take a week, I say three weeks and see the reaction.
- Identity Fusion: For many professionals, work isn't just a job; it's a huge part of their identity. This "identity fusion" can make it incredibly hard to step away or set boundaries, as it feels like you're abandoning a core part of yourself.
The Anecdotes: My Own Battle for Balance
Oliver Burkeman likes to say that there is no such thing as being on top of everything you have to do. And while I respect Oli in a big way, I also refuse to live in a world where this is true. Partially because I have been on top of my 20-item to-do list before in a single day. Sure, it's fleeting, but darn, it feels good. And also because whether or not I can be on top of all of my tasks isn't really the point. It's the fact that I want to be that keeps me cooking.
I often wake up and say "I'm going to get everything done by noon today." And then I look up and it's 6 PM and my Onward Boundaries are trying to break into my office and usurp my computer from me so I can stop working. I'm that chronically unbalanced, overworking friend that you may have, or you may be.
The reality I've seen (and lived) is a constant push and pull. The desire to achieve, the satisfaction of delivering results, the thrill of a new idea – it all conspires to keep us at our desks. But the truly successful folks I know aren't those who never stop. They're the ones who recognize the cycle, the ones who inevitably face that wall of exhaustion, and then proactively choose to step back, recharge, and re-engage. My best ideas always come when I'm happy, hopeful, and optimistic. Usually going for a sunshine stroll!
The Conclusion: Balance is a Journey, Not a Destination
Achieving a sustainable work-life balance isn't a myth; it's an ongoing practice of intentionality, boundary setting, and self-awareness. It's about designing your life and work so they complement, rather than constantly compete with, each other.
By prioritizing your well-being, actively managing your time, and establishing clear boundaries, you equip yourself with the resilience, energy, and clarity needed for sustained success. It's a recognition that your "personal life" isn't separate from your "work life" but an essential component of your capacity to create, earn, and thrive. The pursuit of balance ensures you can keep doing the work you love for the long haul.
Actionable Steps Towards Work-Life Balance
Inspired to take control of your work-life integration? Here are a few simple practices you can integrate into your life starting today:
- Schedule Downtime: Don't just schedule work; proactively block out time for rest, hobbies, and family. Treat these appointments with the same importance as work meetings.
- Define Your "Off" Hours: Clearly communicate your working hours and stick to them. Use email auto-responders for after-hours inquiries. (Check out Onward's Boundary Setting feature!)
- Integrate Movement: Even small bursts of physical activity can make a huge difference. Take a short walk, do some stretches, or dance to a song.
- Practice Intentional Disconnect: Choose specific times to fully disconnect from work (e.g., no phone at dinner, digital detox on Sundays).
- Review Your Week: At the end of each week, assess what felt balanced and what felt out of sync. Use these insights to adjust your schedule and boundaries for the next week. (Onward's Day Summary and Mood Calendar can help you track patterns and identify areas for adjustment!)
